


The things I do for love

by Rainch



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Richie Tozier, Deal, Eddie Kaspbrak Deserves Better, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Gay Richie Tozier, Grief/Mourning, IT - Freeform, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Past Character Death, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Psychological Trauma, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28809231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainch/pseuds/Rainch
Summary: In the night of Eddie‘s death, a piece of Richie had died with him. Never in his life had he felt this kind of hopelessness, every second alive brought never ending pain with it. Then one night a guardian appeared, proposing a deal:They bring Eddie back and in exchange Richie had to give up half of his remaining life span.For him an obvious choice, but the problem was, that if Eddie found out about it, he could break the deal and Richie would get his lost years back and his friend would go back to being dead. Knowing Eddie, Richie knew that he had to do everything he can to keep the deal a secret.But Richie isn‘t a very good liar, especially when he and Eddie seem to be closer than ever...(update every Saturday)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It has been 4 days since...the incident. He calls it „The incident“, because makes it less personal. „The incident“ sounds like something you hear on the news, something that happened on the other side of the globe, something that happened to somebody else, somebody you don‘t know. A stranger you feel bad for for a moment but then only seconds later forget all about.   
The problem is just, this time it didn‘t happen to some random person, it happened to them. It happened to him.  
  
And no matter how far Richie tried to push it away from him, it was always right there, next to him, lingering, in the very air he breathed. Burning in his throat and his lungs, making him feel like he‘s suffocating. Making his limbs go numb and his head empty.  
His hotel room was dark, he hadn’t bothered turning the lights on. There was no room for light. The whole world had turned dark, all it’s beautiful lights had been swallowed away and all that was left was an ever consuming shadow. He could faintly hear music playing in the background, maybe coming from one of the rooms next to his. It was a cheerful tune, but all Richie could hear was a buzzing white noise.   
He was sitting on the edge of his bed just staring blankly at the black ground underneath him, his eyes constantly drying from the lack of blinking, to the point where they started to burn and water. But Richie didn’t feel any pain, he didn’t feel much of anything. His hands both touched the soft fabric of the blanket, and yet he didn’t feel it. All he felt was the pain in his chest and the tingling sensation in his fingertips.   
  
Eddie was dead  
  
  
It didn’t feel real. Nothing did, really…  
  
That feeling when you wish that it’s all just a dream, a horrible dream, but still only a dream, but you know…you know that it isn’t. It’s this horrible switching between you actually being able to fool your mind, that you will soon wake up and then everything is how it was in the beginning and then only seconds later you slip, and the truth is back.  
Next you feel like you’re loosing air, like someone pressing down on your chest. It’s almost as if you’re slowly chocking on tears, that just don’t leave your body.  
  
Eddie is really gone…  
  
A loud stuttered sob finally frees itself from his lips as he buries his face in his hands. They travel from his eyes over to his hair, desperately looking for a place to hold on to, but they were too weak.   
Beverly had been the first one to realise just how much Eddie actually had meant to him all these years. It didn’t take long though until the others saw it too. Kinda funny that the very thing he feared the most as a boy seemed now like such a pathetic thing to be afraid off. Even if all his friends had abounded him that day, he wouldn’t have cared. If they had beaten him up he would just have let them, maybe if he had been lucky they would have beaten into a pulp. Unfortunately they hugged him and tried to comfort him with soft and sweet whispers of loving words. But he didn’t listen to any of them. All he could see was Eddie’s face, covered in his own blood and his name being called out still ringing in his ears.  
  
Beverly and Ben then had decided that it would be better for Richie if he stayed at their place for a while and then head home when he felt better. They planned for him to stay for a week, but he couldn’t stay in that house. It was covered with pictures of the couple, happily holding hands, cuddling, laughing and kissing. Everything just reminded him of all things he could never have and of what he had lost that day. In years gone by he had learned to be satisfied by simply being able to stay by Eddie’s side. Laughing with him, teasing him, just hearing his voice and having the means to just look into his eyes. Since the encounter in the arcade he had done everything he possibly could have to keep his guard up. Especially around Eddie, he could never know about his feelings. Richie wouldn’t have been able to bear it, seeing Eddie’s face after hearing that his best friend had those disgusting feelings for him.   
  
And now he was dead.  
  
Richie shook his head, trying to swallow down all the tears that wouldn’t leave anyway. He didn’t want to think about it, he refused to accept it, that’s why he grabbed the bottle of rum he had bought on his way to the hotel. Clumsily he reached into the darkness of the room in the direction of his nightstand, where the drink had been sitting ever since he got back. The Losers probably were thinking that Richie was already back home and maybe that would have been the better option, but he couldn’t. Going back home felt like going back to normal life and moving on from what happened in Derry, which he just couldn’t bring himself to do.  
  
The black messy haired man took a big swig, only to go for another seconds later. It didn’t take long for the effect of the alcohol to kick in. If the lights hadn’t been off, the whole room would probably be spinning by now.   
His eyes were burning more than before, so Richie decided that it might be a good time to try to get some sleep. Hopefully with his little friend in the bottle, he could actually catch some rest. His nights had been haunted by nightmares, that scared him so much that he refused to go back to sleep. The sad truth though was, that being awake hurt just as much as being stuck in those dreams. But maybe tonight he could get some sleep without any nightmares, he really needed it.  
  
  
It had only been 30 minutes since he fell asleep when suddenly a loud noise coming from inside his room woke Richie up. The 40 year old man jerked up and stared into the the darkness of his room. When his eyes finally had adjusted to the lack of light he could make out someone freakishly tall standing in the corner of the room. He contemplated if he should just keep still or try to reach for the light on the nightstand. When the figure then moved slightly into his direction he decided for the latter and jumped to the right, hitting the light switch and grabbing the half empty bottle in the process.  
Quickly he turned around into the direction where the shadow had been standing, with his weapon raised in the air, but what he saw surprised him to say the least.  
  
After everything that he and his friends had seen he had expected everything, a horrible creature, maybe even the clown itself that had come back like it did already in the past; but in front of him was no such thing.  
  
A tall woman wearing a long black dress was standing now in the middle of his room. She was nothing like a scary creature, actually she was rather beautiful, almost…too beautiful. Her head was shaved, making her face the centre of her whole appearance, with those piercing dark brown eyes. Her dark skin seemed flawless, way too pretty and too pure for something that came from this world.  
  
Richie felt suddenly a incredible warmth around him, he felt…safe. Completely the opposite of the clown. All his dark thoughts became quieter, and instead his head slowly filled with the comforting feeling of hope. That’s when the curly haired man knew, that this person, wasn’t human.  
  
“What are you?” It was only a whisper. These were the first words he had spoken since a while and his throat was still dry.  
  
“My name is Aslan and I am one of the twelve guardians of the beams that hold up the Dark Tower”  
  
Richie stayed silent for a bit, taking in what he just heard.   
  
“So what, you’re…you’re a friend of Cassiopeia?”  
  
The woman stared at him for a while, her jaw clenched and the corner of her mouth jerked up in disapproval. She slowly crossed her arms as she spoke  
  
“If you’re referring to Maturin…yes, you could say that we are ‘friends’. I’ve heard a lot about you Richard Tozier and also about your loose tongue. I know it probably will be a bigger challenge for you, but I rather have you speak about the guardians in a more appropriate manner”  
  
Richie let out a condemned chuckle as he slowly pushed himself from the ground and stood now only a few meters from Aslan. Sarcastically he bowed to them, but still looked them right in the eyes.  
“Oh please, I beg for forgiveness. I often forget my manners around deities who have not only failed in the one thing they had to do, but also needed seven powerless monkeys to fix their little faux-pas.”  
  
As he stood back up his smile had vanished from his face. Maybe it was the little bit of alcohol that still lingered or maybe it was the passed few horrible days, but there was no fear as he looked upwards into those brown eyes. All he felt was rage.  
  
For a while it looked like the deity was ready to just kill him right then and there, and he probably wouldn’t even tried to fight it. Maybe that’s why he seemed so fearless, because death was the least thing he was scared of. It was living that scared him the most, death seemed more like a sweet kiss, that would make all the pain go away.  
  
But then the woman smiley bashfully, she rose her hand and laid it onto Richie cheeks, stroking it slightly.  
  
“I know you’re angry.” She said. Her voice was soft and comforting, it was just like a warm brise. Her words were like hug, filling Richie up with warmth. He couldn’t help but leaning into the sweet touch, his anger steadily disappearing. He was aware that this could be one of Aslan’s power, but he didn’t mind. When was the last time he felt so…peaceful? Even before this all happened, even before It, did he ever felt this safe?  
His heart ached when he had his answer.  
  
“I know what you lost”

She whispered calmly, but Richie’s head still jerked up when he heard those words.  
  
“And I know how much it hurts…I’m so sorry that we failed you… all of you. You should never had to go trough all of this…you were just kids.”  
  
As the heat inside of him rose, Richie felt also his tears building up. The last time he cried was the day it happened, after that, the pain had been just too strong to let it out.  
  
“Even now…you’re still just a kid. The same little Richie that ran out the arcade and cried on that bench that day. There was never anything wrong with you Richie…the only thing that was wrong were the people in Derry and their backwards thinking.”  
  
Richie hadn’t noticed that she had pulled him into a hug. He was too much in his own mind to realise what was happening around him. Her words echoed in the back of his head as he traveled back in time, now standing in the arcade. How happy he had been and how quickly his happiness had been turned into guilt. How motherfucking Henry Bowers walked in and called him names. How he went to bridge and…  
  
“Eddie…” when he heard his own voice finally saying his name, the walls finally caved in and the tears rolled over his face.  
He had no control over his body anymore, he clenched onto Aslan’s dress and let out a high pitch sob. Why? Why did it had to be Eddie? Why not him? Why?  
“Why him…” he sobbed loudly. Aslan still held onto him, since the only thing that kept him on his feet was her arm, with her other hand she stroke trough his messy hair.  
  
“Please…” he whined as he looked up at her again.

“Please, I’ll do anything” 

He slowly sank down on his knees, still holding onto her dress. The man who just had spitted witty remarks towards a deity was now on his knees begging and pleading with snot covering his face, looking more like a kid than a man.  
  
“Please I beg you… take me… if you have to, just…just please…bring him back…bring him back home.”  
  
That’s when his last bit of strength finally left him and he collapsed onto the floor now only quietly sobbing; he was so tired and exhausted.  
  
Aslan then sat down next to him and petted his still jerking back.  
  
“I have a proposal for you…”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Richie’s heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t sure if he had heard that right, because he still had been crying. His eyes were wide open and it felt like someone was holding him by his throat while there was a slight burn in his stomach.  
  
“What do you mean?” He still hadn’t lift his head, he was too afraid of what she was about to say.  
  
“Originally I came here to apologise, but…I…I could bring him back.”  
  
Was this really true? Was this reality?  
Tears again build in his eyes as his heart was beating fast. 

He was so afraid of believing her words, but what if she was telling the truth? What if this isn’t just a dream? Could she…could she bring him back? Would he really be able to look at his face one more time?  
  
“Are…are you serious?“  
  
The hand on his back stopped and slid down.   
  
“Of course I am, but it won’t be without a price.”  
  
Richie’s heart felt like it was about burst open, all the air had left his lungs as he jerked upwards, grabbing Aslan by their shoulder, tears again falling from his face.  
  
“Anything! Anything! I don’t care what!” There was this smile on his lips, it was a mixture of an happiness that nobody is able to capture in words and a sign of desperation.  
  
The deity, a little shaken by the sudden attack, now smiled sweetly back at him and she let her hand slide trough his hair again.  
  
“I give everything!” He continued.  
  
“I know…” she whispered while looking at those brown eyes that now finally found their sparkle again. They seemed dead for such a long time.  
  
“You would have to give up half of your remaining life span-”  
  
“Yes”  
  
Aslan sighed defeated “Why did I know that you wouldn’t hesitate…”  
  
They looked into Richie eyes, they were filled with determination and a burning fire, a fire that she couldn’t have put out even with all her power as a guardian.  
  
“There is no reason why I should have hesitate. I want him back, that’s all I want. I would have given your my life if you had asked me to!”  
  
Aslan stood up from the ground and brushed over her dress, trying to straighten any wrinkles, Richie followed her.   
  
“Very well then, I can see that there would be no reason to discuss this matter with you any further, since you’re clearly have made up your mind. So let’s cut right to the chase. I will take half of your remaining life span and no, I’m not telling you how much that is”  
  
As they looked down at Richie, she rolled her eyes. He had pushed his bottom lip forward and folded his hands together bringing them close to his face, making big puppy eyes.  
“You don’t really think this will work, do you?” They hissed annoyed.  
  
Richie chuckled and shrugged his shoulders “Doesn’t hurt to try, you know I have already melted the hearts of thousands of people with my endless charm” He cheekily grinned and winked at her.  
  
Aslan responded with a disgusted grimace “Yeah…maybe it’s better for Eddie’s sake if he stayed dead if that’s what is waiting for him on the other side” Richie’s face had suddenly a slight hint of fear, but he didn’t try to show it. “Oh wow, Beep Beep guardian of the galaxy” he laughed nervously.  
  
“Anyway back to business” Aslan continued “The start of procedure doesn’t hurt, but as you can imagine subtracting years of one’s life isn’t…easy. It will take weeks for the process to complete, you will be suffering. Some days more, some days less and some days are almost unbearable.-“  
  
“If you’re trying to scare me so I change my mind, it’s not working chief.”  
  
“I’m not.” This however made Richie at least gulp, not as if that would made a difference. She could tell him that all his limps would fall of and his eyes would morph together into one, he still wouldn’t even waste a second thinking that he maybe shouldn’t do it. But he isn’t Rambo, the thought of suffering for weeks still wasn’t a nice one, he might be a little kinky, but not that kinky.  
  
“In those weeks, you can stop the process at any given time. To do so, you only need to call for me. And if the process has stopped, everything will go back to normal, which means you get all your years back. Time will be turned back to this exact moment, just that this time, I won’t be here. Things will be the way they are right now and they will stay that way.”  
Richie thought a little about what she just had said. He already knew that there was no way that he would stop the procedure but…he knew someone who maybe would.  
  
“Can Eddie stop the process as well?”   
  
Aslan nodded.  
  
Richie sighed frustrated and threw is hands in the air “Well fuck! That is just wonderful! What’s the whole point then if he can just throw himself over Jordan again like a fucking lemming!”  
  
The tall woman rolled her head around, as the dark haired man paced annoyed through the room. Her arms crossed in front of her as she said grinning “Well…that’s only is he finds out about it”  
  
He stopped in his tracked and glanced at the dark skinned woman who was gazing back at him with a wide, slightly unsettling grin.  
  
“Wait…so he doesn’t know what happened when he gets back?” He asked unsure.  
  
“Well…” she lifted her head, now seemingly looking at something very interesting on the roof, while hiding their hands behind their back.   
“I can skip a few little unimportant details if you want me to”  
  
Richie looked sceptical. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and tilted his head slightly.  
  
“You know…I’ve been wondering for a while now, why are you helping me? You guardians don’t really seem like type who do charity work on Sundays. ”  
  
Aslan chuckled, now peeking back at him. “No, we really aren’t” suddenly she started to move towards the messy haired man. Her tall appearance and her strong presence was rather imitating, especially when she was walking right towards you. Richie made a few steps back, but had stop right away, since his leg had pumped into the bed. The woman was standing now right in front of him, slightly leaning downwards, underlining just how tall she was. A little smile had sneaked onto her lips as her finger slowly drifted over the man’s chest, who stared at every movement with a hint of horror in his eyes.   
  
“But I’m rather fascinated by you. Haven’t you just defeated a horrible creature? Didn’t you always say that you were done with all of that? That this wasn’t your job to do? You always just wanted a normal life and now you could have it.”

Her fingers wander over his shoulder and hold onto them tight, pulling him a little closer to her and her face. Richie could feel her warm breath on his cheeks.  
  
“You finally know who you are. At last you accepted yourself for who you’re always been! You could find yourself a nice man and just let Derry and all it’s habitants behind you. Move on, like all of your friends are.”  
  
Her lips formed a soft smile as her hand glided over to his cheek, stroking it slightly.  
  
“But here you are. Giving me half of your remaining life, like it’s the most normal thing to do. Only to save one man. A man you haven’t seen for years. He has build a life just like you and yet, you’re still ready to sacrifice it all. What if he leaves you as soon as he can to go back to his wife? Without knowing what you sacrificed for him…”  
  
“I don’t care…” Richie whispered, his face pressed again against her hand.  
  
“I just want him back.” He looks up at her, the fire in his eyes.   
  
Aslan nods understanding and steps back.  
  
“Very well then. Since it’s your life that is fuelling his resurrection, he will probably unconsciously come here after he woke up. I will not say anything about the deal, if you want to tell him, that’s your choice. Now…”  
  
“Shall we begin?”  
  
Without waiting for an answer, Aslan already had taken his glasses and placed her hands over Richie’s eyes. There was hotness inside of him that seemed to rise from his feet up to the place she was touching. It almost hurt, but before it could, his leg gave in and everything became dark.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Richie had been awaken for the second time today by a loud noise. This time it was a loud banging at his door. It took him awhile for him to remember why he exactly he was lying on the ground and why his face felt like someone had poured hot water over it. When his memories finally came back, his eyes widened as he stared at the ceiling in disbelief. He jumped on his feet and looked hastily around, trying to find any prove that it hadn’t just been a dream. He found the bottle lying next to the bed and half empty. 

Another knock. His heart was beaten faster and he suddenly felt like throwing up. Was that really…could it really be? He felt as if he would either die of an heart attack or a heat stroke. Fear, excitement and hope were fighting in his stomach making him feel like he had been drinking the whole night…well he did so maybe it was that too.

His legs were still shaky, just like the rest of his body as he approached the door. What if it wasn’t him? What if he opened the door and there was just someone else and everything had just been a dream? Fuck…but it felt so real…  
“Please” he silently begged. “Please let it be him”  
He took one last breath, turned the doorknob and with one pull slammed the door open.  
  
His heart sank as he saw the receptionist from the hotel standing in front of him. He almost had started crying right then and there, but he tried to be brave, biting his lips to keep any sound from leaving his mouth.  
  
Of course it wasn’t Eddie. How fucking stupid was he! He was dead! He just imagined shit, partly to blame was probably the alcohol! He was so mad at himself for actually believing that bullshit, hoping for Eddie to come back! Pathetic! As if a fucking guardian would help him! Him! The only real loser in his friend group! A poor excuse of a man that’s what he was!  
  
“Ehm, Sir?” The man cleared his throat.  
  
Finally Richie snapped out of his inner monologue, even though he rather continued putting himself down for getting his hopes up. His heart was burning in his chest, great now it hurts even more than before…  
  
He tried to not show it though and act cool “Eh…yeah… sorry…What’s up?”  
  
Real smooth…  
  
The man didn’t pick up though just how distressed Richie actually was, because if he did, he might have called the cops or something and tell them that there might be a suicidal person in his establishment. Instead he just laughed, making his big dad belly wiggling while doing so.  
  
“Seems like ya had a wild night there pal”  
  
“Yeah…” Richie chuckled rather lifelessly “truer words haven’t been spoken…pal…”  
  
The man slapped him on his shoulder as his laughter continued.  
  
“Well, I don’t want to bother ya too long then! Just wanted to inform you about a little something, cuz ya know, the safety of customers, is Baba’s highest priority!”  
  
‘Baba’ then leaned closer “This morning my boys found a…a man…wandering around. Real creepy if y’ask me! There was something really fishy about him, I tell ya! I could feel it! Like, in my bones! Like a tingle! So, I told my boys that they need to keep an eye on that guy! But that man is like a goddamn weasel! Ran like someone was following him! Well…my boys were following him…but that’s not the point!”  
  
He took a demonstrating step back “They found him again, banging on every goddamn door on this floor, screaming like piglet on helium! Apparently he was looking for someone, kept yelling a name. Well that was like 2 minutes ago, I just got here to be honest. Checking if everyone is alright and stuff. But my boys told me something, something rather interesting! Apparently the name he was yelling was-”  
  
Suddenly the door at the end of corridor swung open and in the door way, two gorilla like man holding a little screaming man who tried with all his might escape the grasps of the men.  
  
“Let me go! Ah! AH! You smell! You smell like absolute shit! Let me down you fucking-“  
  
Richie stared at the little angry man in disbelief. He knew this raging dwarf and his heart did too.  
  
“Eddie…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^-^


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
His voice was louder than expected and it made the man at the end of the floor stop in his tracks.   
  
“Richie? Richie!” His arms raised in the air like a little kid on a carousel and started wiggling from excitement, still in the arms of the two men.  
  
“I’m alive Richie! It’s me! It’s really me! I’m alive!” He squeed, his face shinning from happiness!  
  
Richie felt the tears build in his eyes and he didn’t care. He didn’t care that they probably sound crazy to their bystanders. He didn’t give a flying fuck!  
  
Eddie was back! Eddie motherfucking Kaspbrack was back! He was standing there, well more or less. Aslan really did it! She really brought him back, she really did it.  
  
“You are! Fuck! You are really fucking back!“   
  
Baba made a quick hand movement towards his ’boys‘ and they finally let go of Eddie, but he didn‘t ran towards Richie like they did in movies, he just stood there looking at his friend, with a weird expression on his face.

Richie didn’t even try to repress that big grin on his face, his happiness was totally valid in this moment, even as a best friend. After all he had been dead only hours ago! Now Eddie couldn’t help either anymore, his lips formed a smile and he laughed.  
His laughter…it was a miracle that Richie could hear it again. Eddie’s hair slightly messy, but still somehow look almost perfect considering what happened, the little wrinkles, his smaller appearance…it was all there, right in front of him again.

“You know” Eddie started as he tried to catch his breath from laughing. “I never thought I could be this happy to see you your ugly face.”

“That’s big talk for someone who has been decaying for days” Richie laughed.

The space between was still so wide, as if no one of the two could actually believe what happened. As if they’re scared that if they came too close they would start to fade away. 

Eddie smelled his clothes, his face tighten as he pushed his arms as far as possible away from himself. 

“Oh my god, that’s so fucking disgusting!” He whined, but then he suddenly looked shocked.

“Wait! No! You don’t think that there are…that…there are…maggots inside of me? I mean who knows what’s going on in me? I have been dead for day! What if I really started decaying?!” With a quick motion he grabbed the bottom of his shirt, pulled it up and frantically started palpating his stomach.

“Oh come on, you really think they gonna waste their time nibbling on a spaghetti like you?” 

Eddie glared up to Richie “Fuck you”

Richie looked back at his friend, who had already directed his focus back to his examination.  
“You wanna keep striping in the hallway or do you wanna come in?” Eddie stopped as if he only realised now how weird this probably looked to stranger. He stood back up straight and cleared his throat “Yeah…good idea.”

The two man have been sitting in the hotel room for now almost an hour and neither of the two had said a word. Eddie was laying on the bed just staring at ceiling, trying to process, that he indeed had died, but was somehow now back alive. On the couch was Richie with arms crossed leaning backwards with his eyes closed. And there it was, the peace and the warmth, it was so much different from Aslan’s warmth, it was better. It felt like a tight embrace and his whole body tingled, but in a good way. Ever since Eddie got back he really had to concentrate on keeping his cool, while every part of his body just wanted to hug him and never let go again. But their friendship never has been like that, they never hugged, Richie made sure of that. He had been too scared that he might hug him too tightly or for too long, that he did something, a tiny little thing, that would give him away. That’s a risk he would never take! It was unbelievable! Who thought that after everything that has happened, miracles still existed? Richie’s chest felt like it was about to burst open, this wasn’t simple happiness, this was something beyond just being happy. It was as if he had swallowed the whole goddamn sun and now it was just burning inside of him. His head was so loud with so many thoughts, but the one that was the loudest was: 

Eddie Kaspbrack was alive

“You know, something seems…weird though…” 

Eddie’s voice was nothing more than a whisper, but it still made Richie jerk up, hearing his voice was still…weird, in a good way. Eddie was probably as tired as Richie, at least that’s what the man with the glasses guessed, of course he couldn’t possibly know how it feels to be dead.

“You mean besides the fact that you’re no longer a human shish kebab?” 

Richie didn’t had to to lift his head to know that Eddie was throwing him an angry glance, he just could hear it in the sudden silence. 

“Ha ha ha, you’re so funny! Hey, did you ever think about writing your own material? Oh wait!”  
The curly haired man whistle. “Damn Eduardo, that’s a low blow, even from a midget like you”

“Anyway!” Eddie decided to just ignore the stupid and completely unjustified remark about his height and continued

“What I wanted to say was: I didn’t wake up where I died, I was…just…somewhere…I didn’t recognise anything, not any streets, or names, nothing! And yet I just started walking, it was really weird! I knew I was completely lost and that I should first try to figure out where I was, but instead I just started walking”

Richie sat now straight in his couch, noticing that Eddie already had changed his position and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at him.

“So you just started walking, what about it?”

“I ended up here!” the younger one exclaimed “I saw this building from the distance and just walked right up to it and when I was standing right in front of it and somehow I knew that you were in there!”

His heart skipped beat, of course he knew that that had been Aslan’s work and yet, imagining Eddie wandering in the middle of nowhere, unconsciously looking for him, just made him happy. 

“That can’t be a coincidence!” When Eddie has this serious look on his face, it seems like he hadn’t aged a day . The little wrinkles on his forehead, his eyebrows going as high up as they could, his big wide eyes, staring at him with anticipation and a charming hint of provocation, his tightly closed lips that form a thin line; it’s all the same. Everything about him just screams “Tease me”, “Mess with me”, “Make fun of me”, “Make a mess out of-“ Wait. Stop that.

“Sorry about that…” Richie sighed.

Eddie tilted his head: “Sorry about what?”

“It seems like my wide ranging charm has accidentally reeled you in. Ah, it’s truly a curse to be this attractive.” Dramatically Richie threw his hands in the air and leans backwards in to his seat, seemingly defeated.

“The only wide ranging thing is your big ego, making everyone within a radius of 4 kilometres threw up their lunch.” A wide grin crawled over his face as the curly haired man stared up the ceiling, satisfied with the snarky reply he had received. 

It felt so good to be able to do this again. He couldn’t believe his luck, he had to repress little noises of pure excitement. 

“You know what? Why I am even trying to talk you?! I’m just going to sleep!” Eddie hissed annoyed and lowered himself into the bed, kicking his shoes of his feet and grabbing the covers, pulling them over himself in the process.

Richie suddenly was sitting up again “Oh come on Eds, don’t be a whiny bitch!”   
A head peaked over the blanket as Eddie almost shouted “Fuck off! And don’t call me like that!”.

The taller man just watched his friend for a while, how his body slowed rose and sank and listened for his soft breathing.

“You wanna keep staring at me while I sleep?!” Richie cleared his throat embarrassed.

“You are aware that you lying in my bed right? What do you want me to do Edward Kaspbrak? Hang from the ceiling like a fucking bat?” Silence.

It came out harsher than he meant it to, but he couldn’t help it. He felt like a rabbit running helplessly over an open field covered in land mines. Every jump, every move could end deadly. In an attempt to at least get rid of some tension, Richie stood up and walked across the room to turn off the lights, but lingered there for a while. These last few days had been a roller coaster of emotions from the deepest hole to the high he was experiencing now. His mind has been a mess to say the least, the fact that he even still knew how to breath was nothing short of a miracle.

There was still silence. Richie bit his lower lip. First he had come back to Derry only to remember his long lost memories of his childhood crush on his best friend, only to then loose said friend. Following up were the worst days of his whole pathetic life and now Eddie’s laying here on his bed, like nothing ever happened. Like he hadn’t just come back from the dead. If god really existed he had a real fucked up humour…

Then a soft voice sounded.

“I can scooch over a bit…” 

It wasn’t louder than a whisper, but it as loud enough that Richie heard it and it made his blood run cold. He stared in disbelief into the darkness of his room unsure if he had heard right. He didn’t know what to do, in one hand, he was afraid of accidentally doing something that could give him away, on the other hand though this was Richie’s only chance to experience something even slightly related to intimacy with the person he loved the most. Eddie was probably sleep deprived and was just talking nonsense… It wouldn’t be the right to take advantage of his friend weak state. 

He mustered a half hearted chuckle: “Hey Eds, I think the maggots got to your head”

“Never mind then…” 

In Richie’s head was a little man screaming bloody murder, but he knew that this was the right thing to do; even tough he slightly regretted not immediately have jumped onto the bed. Eddie had been through hell, who knows maybe even literally, depending on how god feels about little boys, who sucked more on their inhaler than on their mother's titties. The things he said didn’t really came from him, but more from a sleep deprived mind, and no matter how much Richie loved him, no because he loved him so much he wouldn’t use this for his own pleasure.

In the time Richie had been pondering at the light switch, Eddie had already fallen asleep. A soft snoring filled the room; it had a rather comforting and calming effect on the curly haired man, who finally had decided that he as well should get some rest.

But as he was making his way back to the couch, he suddenly felt a burning sensation in his stomach, crawling up his throat. The sudden appearing pain was so strong that it took his breath away for a second and he felt like he was suffocating. Hysterically brandishing in the air trying to find something to hold on to, he staggered into the bathroom on shaky legs. 

With his lips pressed together tightly, he finally had the door knob in his grasp and without wasting an second, disappeared in the bathroom. Not a moment too soon, because right after he had stepped a foot into the room, he could no longer keep it together. With the last hint of strength that he could muster he teared up the toilet lid and leaned forward. 

Desperately trying to throw up as quietly as he possible could, Richie felt as if his whole body was trying to turn itself inside out. The tears welled up in his eyes, his fingers clamped around the lid. For second the sweaty mess of a man was convinced that he was to die right then and there, clinching on a dirty toilet of a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere.

The process had began and fuck, it hurt like a bitch.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“So I just finished talking to Beverly and Bill, they will get here tomorrow. Bev said she would talk to Mike, apparently he has a new phone. Don’t know what’s up with that, maybe he is afraid of- What are you doing?”  
The taller man leaned against the doorway staring at his friend who was going trough his suitcase. 

“I’m looking for something” The man mumbled blithely, throwing another Hawaiian-shirt onto the ground.

“Please excuse my shameless curiosity Eduardo, but for what exactly? I mean, I might be of help since it’s, you know, my suitcase”

Eddie finally looked up to him.

“For sunscreen or anti insect spray, or…just anything! But all I see are shirts in colours that are probably illegal in some states, or at least should be!”

With those words Eddie continued to dig trough the bag.

“Why, are you going on vacation?”

“Something like that” Richie sighed, he hated it when Eddie didn’t give him a clear answer. He didn’t mind the tease and the insults, but when he was beating around the bush like that, it costs Richie a lot of patience to not shake the answers out of him. 

“Listen, you have two choices, either you tell me why you are going trough my stuff or I will lock you inside this room, while I get something to drink so I can forget this painful conversation.”

Now it was Eddie who suspired.“I’m going back where I came from”

Richie raised an eyebrow.

“Damn, I really didn’t think that that’s where you wanna take me as your role model. I mean, me and your mum did some sick shit, but you crawling back into the mothership would really top it all. Even that one time where I shoved pizza in her-!”

“Shut the fuck up Richie! Argh, you’re so fucking disgusting! This is why I didn’t want to talk about it with you. You’re never serious! Everything is a big joke to you! I bet you even cracked a joke when I was lying dead in the cave!”

Richie’s heart dropped as he heard those words. Suddenly the memory of that day crawled back into his head. He saw Eddie’s face again, covered in blood, his voice weakly whimpering his name as he was yanked into the air. He had to fight against the tears, he knew that Eddie was here, that he was back and yet, the memories still hurt so much. Staring at the ground trying to hide his slightly teary eyes, he whispered:

“No…I can’t assure you I didn’t make any jokes” 

The images flash in front his eyes, how, after the clown was finally defeated, he ran back to Eddie only to find his motionless body laying where they had left him. How he grabbed him and hold onto him tight, talking to him, begging him to stand up, there was no way he had believed that Eddie had really died. Then his friends suddenly had pulled on his clothes, screaming something about that Eddie was gone. What a bunch of bullshit. But they hadn’t let go of Richie, suddenly he was being dragged away, leaving his friend alone in that cold cave. No! They can’t just leave him there! Eddie wouldn’t have liked it! The cave stank and was full of bacteria! They couldn’t leave him in there, it was dark and he would be alone! 

Richie swallowed hard, his fists tightly clenched. Thinking that they actually had left his corpse in that shit hole, made him angry and feel guilty. Imagining how his beloved Eddie had just been laying there in the dark about to get crushed by falling rocks…Richie took a deep breath in and then out.

He slowly opens his eyes again and saw Eddie.

He was alive. 

There is no purpose to think further about the past, all that mattered was that he was here again.

“Okay okay, let’s pretend I’m a really serious person” Eddie’s eyes followed Richie’s movements from the floor he was sitting on, as the taller man grabbed a coat from the coat hanger next to the door and threw it over his shoulder. Then proceed to comb his hair backwards and stand as straight as he possibly could.

“Now, try again”

Eddie looked at him with a, at first, confused and slightly irritated look, but then his face became as gentle as it could get, and he let out a slight chuckle.

“You are a fucking idiot, I hope you know that”

Richie bowed theatrically “It’s a gift” 

Eddie sighed, but it was more an amused sigh than an annoyed one. He heaved himself onto the bed, looking up at Richie.

“Okay, so I thought about it and I just can’t think of a plausible reason as to why I ended up in the middle of nowhere and not where I died or at least close to it. Also the fact that I just came here without thinking, as if I was…lead by something, just bugs me. So I decided that I wanted to head back where I came from and see if there are any hints as to what exactly happened to me and to why I’m back”

Richie was about to say something along the lines “this is stupid” or “why do you even care?”, but he came to the conclusion that that would only piss Eddie off again, so he decided against it. Instead he asked:  
“Do you know the way back?”

Eddie nodded determined earning a sigh from Richie.

“Alright then” he said as he grabbed his jacket from the coat hanger .

“What are you doing?” Eddie stood up and looked at his friend.

“You didn’t really expect me to let you go on your own, did you? I mean, do you even have a car or did you plan to walk there?” 

The shorter man bit his lips, it seems as he hadn’t thought this trough. 

“Okay…but I swear if I have to listen to your stupid jokes throughout the whole ride, I swear I’ll push you out the vehicle and leave you behind” 

It had taken them a little bit over 30 minutes to arrive at the place. In the beginning both of them were biggering like a old married couple, but the closer they got the quieter Eddie had become. Richie had sometimes sneaked a peek at his friend, who just had been staring at the window, and noticed a worried look on his face. As soon as the car had stopped, Eddie had gotten out and was now standing outside, looking around. This was literally the middle of nowhere, no houses, no cars, nothing, just sand, dried out plants and some rocks. 

Richie scratched the back of his neck as he watched his friend walking up and down, desperately trying to find anything. He didn’t quite understand what was going trough Eddie’s head and why he wanted to come here in the first place. Why couldn’t he just be happy that he was alive again? If this continued he might die again just this time from an heart attack or a heat stroke. He rolled down the car window and sticked his head out.

“Hey! Eduardo! Found anything yet?”

His friend looked up with slightly agitated look on his face.

“What’s it look like?” he yelled. 

Richie now too got out of the car and walked up to Eddie, who had kneed down and was digging in the sand. He gave him a comforting clap on the back as he said:  
“Let’s head back, we’ve been out here since almost an hour now.”

“No!” Eddie didn’t even look up to him, he just kept digging. “Why is there nothing here?” he mumbled to himself.

“I don’t get why this is so important to you anyway. I mean you’re back right? That’s all that matters” He made it sound like he was trying to cheer him up, but in reality he was slightly pissed. He didn’t want to see Eddie like this, he wanted him to be happy and just enjoy life again.

His hands stopped.

“You wouldn’t understand…” Eddie whispered. It sounded weak and hurt.

Richie squatted down next him, letting his hand wander once more of Eddie’s back, this time softly stroking him.

“Try me”

There was a moment of silence, where Eddie seemed to contemplate if he really should try to explain what was going trough his head to the stupid Trashmouth. Richie tried to catch Eddie’s eyes to show him that he meant it, that he was there for him, but the shorter man kept avoiding his gaze. 

“I’m…I’m scared Richie” His voice was shaky and raspy as he finally uttered those words. 

“I don’t know who or what brought me back and why… I don’t understand what happened. Who…who knows if this is for forever. I’m so terrified that…that I might go back again. That this is only temporary” 

Richie’s hand stopped. Of course… He hadn’t thought of of how confusing and scary this could be to Eddie. He didn’t know that Richie made the deal and that as long as this deal exist, there was no way in hell that Eddie would go back. All he knew was that he suddenly came back, with no warning and seemingly without a reason.

“Shit…” The curly head fell onto Eddie’s back. Richie knew that he had the power to make his friend’s fears go away, but he couldn’t do it. The risk was too high that Eddie would find out that he could break the deal and do exactly that.  
As soon as the process is done he would tell Eddie all about it, but until then he had to hold on. 

“Listen to me Eddie. I get that you’re scared, but being afraid that you could die any second now, isn’t that life for everyone? I mean…I know in your case it’s a bit different but…I’m scared too you know? I’m also scared of dying.”  
Richie paused for a second. The image of Eddie’s lifeless body on the ground as the cave collapsed popped back into his head. He started to think of the week at Bev and Ben’s, remembering the pain clearly and how he hadn’t mind dying.

“But…if there is something I learned in all those years, it’s that living is just as scary”

Both were quiet. Richie’s head was still resting on Eddie’s hunched over back, staring at the back his head.

“„Ha… there really must be something wrong with me for thinking that that was somehow comforting“ Eddie chuckled. His eyes finally looked up and met the ones of Richie. They carried a little sparkle in them accompanied by a hint of sorrow and yet somehow they seemed to smile back at it him. 

Richie hadn‘t noticed how his heart was suddenly beating very fast, every inch of his body was tingling under Eddie‘s gaze. Was it only him or did the atmosphere around change? It was somehow…more intense. The moment slowly started to capture the older man, making his body go on autopilot. His hand was slowly moving towards Eddie‘s face, still gazing into those greyish brown eyes that stared back at him curiously. Why didn‘t he move away? Why was he just looking at him seemingly…waiting? How was Richie suppose to stop himself when he couldn‘t find even the slightest hint of repulsion in his expression?

His palm was now softly cubbing Eddie‘s cheek and he could feel the head raise trough his whole body as he noticed that his friend had closed his eyes and was now slightly leaning. What was going on??  
Richie felt as if his head was about explode. He couldn‘t process what was unfolding in front of him. Eddie, the person he was in love with as long as he could think of, a straight dude, was snuggling with his hand like a kitten. 

Suddenly Eddie‘s eyes fluttered open, looking up to Richie and they seemed somehow different than before. Richie got chills all over his body and he felt his face turning red. He knew that he was most certainly misunderstanding the situation, but…it was as if Eddie was waiting for him to…kiss him…

„Alright! Who wants to grab something to eat? I sure do!“

Richie jumped onto his feet, nervously laughing. He didn‘t wait for an answer, he just wanted to leave this awkward situation as fast he could. Quickly he had turned around and was making his way back to the car with hurried big steps. He almost had gotten carried away by the moment and done something he would have really regretted. Partly to blame was the the shorter man, who had just let him do as he pleased without giving him a snarky comment or at least a slap in the face. 

Eddie‘s gaze appeared again in front of his inner eye, how he had been intensively watching him with his big eyes, the little wrinkles all over his forehead. So damn cute. Fuck he was so cute. Richie felt as if steam gushing from his ears, while his jelly like legs tried to carry him back to the car.

How was this grown as man so damn cute? But also so…so handsome?? This wasn‘t fair, not to Richie and for sure not to his poor weak heart. The heat in him started to rise again and something was building up in his throat.

That‘s when Richie realised that that wasn‘t his 40 year old horniness that made his stomach turn. He had just reached the door of the car as his legs gave up under him. Luckily he managed to grab the door handle in the last second, holding himself up with one hand. Turning away from the car he started to throw up as a burning pain crawled down his throat into his chest. The giddy feeling from before had completely disappeared and had been replaced by a sharp sting going trough his whole body.

Everything seemed to fade around him and even his hand slowly lost it strength as it let go of the door handle. All he heard was Eddie’s muffled voice calling out for him as everything became dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When Richie woke up, he first didn‘t recognise the room he lying in, but then realised he was back at the hotel. It took him a while to understand exactly how he got back here since the last thing he could remember was him trying to go for the car and then falling over. Slowly he pushed himself of the mattress, his head still throbbing. As he looked around the room he noticed a sleeping Eddie on one of the chairs, his arms crossed and legs stretched out. 

A smile crept onto his face as he watched Eddie chest rise and lower. Suddenly Eddie’s eyes opened, Richie was caught off guard and jerked up out of surprise.

“Thank fuck you’re awake!” Eddie exclaimed relieved as he stood up and walked over to his friend.

His placed his hand onto his own and the other on Richie’s forehead, not seeing Richie face turning red. 

“Jesus Christ Rich, you’re steaming!”

Quickly Richie pushed Eddie’s hand away, knowing that the reason for his sudden heat rush wasn’t a fever, but merely the sudden touch of his friend. He cleared his throat

“Well…I do feel better though”

Eddie looked at him sceptical.

“What happened there? I thought your annoying ass was enough to keep even the slightest cold away!”

Richie shrugged “Maybe a heat stroke? I told you that we should get out of there.” 

Eddie bit his lips and looked away. Did he actually felt guilt? That was…unfamiliar. Usually he would just brushed it off and somehow made it Richie’s fault and then would get mad at him for being so reckless. But now he just sighed and sat down next to him onto the bed.

There was it again, this…silence. Recently there has been a lot of them, moments where none of them had anything to say, not even insults or other stupid jokes. Ever since Eddie came back, things were kinda different, but Richie couldn’t make out just yet in which way. 

Richie lifted his gaze from his own feet and let it wander up to Eddie’s lap where his hands were resting. His hands seemed so small compared to his. His whole body started to tingle as the desire to hold Eddie’s hand crept in. Never before in his life did he allow such ache to inhabit his mind for even a second, but now he truly contemplated if he should risk it. A fear started to grow, a fear of himself and his actions and the things he now dared to do. Was it because of what happened yesterday? The slight affirmation of his friend? But he was a married man, even if his wife was nothing more but a perfect copy of his mother, the true queen of all the Manatee, she was still a woman. Because that’s what Eddie liked, women, he was straight.   
Richie was entranced by Eddie’s slim fingers, wondering how they would feel entangled with his. How happy he would be, if he was able to hold his hand knowing that he was his, knowing that he felt the same way about him as he did about Eddie. 

He couldn’t help but imagine the faces of their friends after they told them that they had become a pair. Most of them would probably be shocked, but not Bev, she most likely would be the only one who would smile knowingly, as if she had waited for this to happen. 

Maybe he would be able to persuade Eddie to come to one of his shows. Of course he would be sitting in the first row, so that Richie could see him. He would bring out his best and stupidest jokes only to see Eddie rolls his eyes seemingly annoyed but to then crack up. And after the show they would walk home together hand in hand and he would be listening to Eddie making fun of the way the was standing on stage or the way he had made that one stupid face. He would listen to it all and just be happy.

“Richie? Did you even listen to what I just said?”

Well apparently not listening to it ALL. 

“Let’s pretend I did, but I had a severe case of Amnesia and I already had forgotten all about it…” Richie laughed while scratching the back of his head.

Eddie shook his head, but he wasn’t surprised.

“I said, that I thought about what you said before and I think you’re right. Being afraid of dying, isn’t that what our life has been all about the past few years? I mean we fought a goddamn killer clown! So maybe I should celebrate that I’m still alive against all odds! Who cares why I’m back! Let’s grab something to drink!”  
“Eddie…just say that you want to get wasted so you don’t have to think about it anymore” Richie replied with raised eyebrows.

Eddie threw his hands in the air defeatedly “Alright, alright! You caught me! Whatever! Let’s go out!”

Richie laughed and got on his feet.

“Fine by me. You know I have nothing against a genius idea like that. It’s better to drink in company anyways. “

Eddie smiled and followed his friend and together they left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry! I have made a mistake an accidentally uploaded chapter 8 last Saturday! So today I will upload Chapter 7 and reupload Chapter 8 next week! My apologise! >-<

Chapter 7

It didn’t take long until they had found a suited bar. It wasn’t too big neither too crowded, but still lively. When they entered they were welcomed by the smell of beer and nicotine, but even tough Eddie’s nose turned up, they still proceed to walk in. The room was mainly lighted by bright red neon signs that hung on the walls and the lights coming from the bar itself. The couches were dressed in warm royal red fabric and the tables were made out of dark wood. Though they looked very comfortable, the two men still decided to take a seat at the bar so that the drinks were easily accessible.

“Two beers” Richie called towards the barkeeper who gave him an understanding nod as a response. Then he turned towards Eddie.

“Now Eddie spaghetti, what is you game plan?”

The beers arrived, Eddie didn’t wait a second and immediately took a big swig from the bottle and then looked at Richie.

“First of all, don’t call me that and second of all, didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want to think about it tonight?”

“Right, right” Richie leaned back in his stool and took a sip as well.

“But”, Eddie then continued “I think I will go back to Myra”

He really tried to keep it in, he really did, but in the end, Richie still spewed beer all over the countertop. He placed his arm on the edge of counter, whipped his mouth with the other hand and stared at his friend with disbelief.

“Excuse me? I think I misheard you, because for me it sounded like you said that you wanted to go back to your hippo of a wife” 

“No Richie, you heard right” Eddie said with a determined tone.

But Richie still couldn’t completely accept what he just had heard. Hadn’t they already established that his pet elephant was just as bad as his mother?

“Eddie, you are aware how stupid that is, right? I thought a Risk analyst would be at least little bit smarter than a fucking Tamarillo! She thinks you’re dead, dude! What, do you just wanna knock on the door and be like ‘Hello Willy, eh as you can see, I’m back from the dead! Yeah! And I definitely didn’t just fake my death so I can escape from your grasp, but then realised that I forgotten my inhaler at home, so I had to come back’. You want us all to get killed? Did you see the size of that thing? One slap and my five star face will burst in two!”

A woman from across the counter had looked up at them, the confusion written all over her face. 

Eddie’s fingers brushed trough his hair as he ordered another round for the two of them.

“I know, it’s just…I can’t just let her belief that I’m dead! Plus we are married, I have to go back to her…I’m her husband after all.”

Richie sighed, he could have guessed that this topic would come up eventually. What else did expect? That Eddie just started living with him? Abandoning the life he had build over the passed few years? For him? 

He had completely forgotten what role he was playing in Eddie’s life, he was just a childhood friend, nothing more nothing less. It didn’t matter that they killed a bloodthirsty clown together, because, as proven by his other friends, they all would just go back to their everyday life. 

“Yeah…I guess. Good thing I’m not married” He chuckled, but it sounded forced.

Richie was hurt. It was stupid, because Eddie wasn’t truly to blame, but it still stung. He didn’t mind being married…if it was with him, but Eddie rather went back to his Hindenburg. 

Suddenly a beer bottle appeared in front his face and as he looked up he gazed into Eddie’s smiling face. His smile seemed sad in a way, Richie couldn’t quite pin point why though.

“Hey, didn’t we come here to celebrate? Let’s forget about tomorrow and just enjoy the night!”

Richie now couldn’t help but to grin as well. He grabbed his bottle as well and cheered. 

“Unusual words coming from you Mr. Kaspbrack!”

Eddie titled his head to the side. Now with a true smile on his face.

“Well, you could say that I’m like newly born!” 

And with those words they downed beer upon beer. The depressing mood completely vanished and all that was left were two giggly men living their life as if tomorrow didn’t exist.


End file.
